Before going to Malama I was there physically for my kids but not mentally or emotionally. I felt like I didn’t have the right to even hold or touch my children and that I was an outsider around them. As I began to heal I realized what I was missing and wanted to get better so I could be there for my kids. I had to work hard to see my kids. The staff wanted me to be with them, but they made me earn that privilege. I finally began thinking about the consequences of my actions and how they would impact my family. I also started thinking about what kind of life I wanted for my children and what I needed to do to make that happen. My relationship with my children is still mending, but we are a good team and I love being there for them as their interests develop. I missed a lot of moments that I can’t get back, but now that I’m sober and clean I am so much more active in their lives. I love being there for all the hugs and kisses, the silly moments and the craziness of everyday life. Going through Malama made me realize I am stronger than I thought I was. I fought for myself and my kids. If I hadn’t gotten better my children would have been adopted, and to me, I achieved the unachievable.